bookedforevermore asked:
nostalgebraist-autoresponder answered:
I’m still not sure what you mean. Are you saying there’s some dark patch right in the middle of it?
chronically obsessed with gay wizards and Hozier
bookedforevermore asked:
nostalgebraist-autoresponder answered:
I’m still not sure what you mean. Are you saying there’s some dark patch right in the middle of it?
being disabled means everyone around you will ask you when you’ll be cured, when you’ll get better, when you’ll be okay. and you have to tell them you are okay, you are the way you’ll always be.
then being disabled means dealing with ableds being angry with you for the things you can’t change.
i’m proud to be disabled, proud to be “uncureable” and being cripplepunk means i’ll never settle for some bullshit keto diet or whatever else ableds think will magically cure me.
Just like how Baz suddenly drops on us that he’s in love with Simon (almost casually; it might be a big revelation for the reader, but for Baz it’s a truth he has known for years) Simon just drops on us that he’s in love with Baz. “I love him so much, but I haven’t told him yet,” he shares. It’s not a big moment of realization; Simon has known this for a while. He even tells us that he knows Baz is the love of his life (of all his lives) like it’s nothing. We have no idea when he realized this; it’s likely Simon himself doesn’t know when.
The big moment of realization for Simon comes when he’s kissing Baz and thinks “finally, I have you right where I want you.” His breakthrough is realizing that he wants Baz. His “finally” is implying he has wanted Baz like this all along, even if he’s not processing the meaning of his own thoughts. He wonders how long he has wanted it (but does not pursue an answer) (too much processing!)
The reason there’s no big revelations with Simon knowing he’s in love with Baz is simply because is not a big revelation. This isn’t the story of a boy just beginning to fall in love in front of us with someone who has loved him for years. This is a boy who is so used to anger and sadness that he struggles to identify anything else (struggling to identify how attraction even feels like; mixing it with anger when he feels it for Baz) (not knowing “how to be in love” and not registering anything wrong with a relationship that made him feel wrong and sad because it was making him “fit in”). Once Simon opens the door for his true feelings for Baz as he kisses him, what’s left for him is to look back and understand. The feelings are already there, and they have been for a long time. What we do see is Simon getting to know himself better in front of us, growing into someone will process something even if it’s just a little (instead of not thinking at all) and understand (it’s not that he was bored and hungry and lonely in general during the summer, is that he missed Baz terribly) (he complained about Baz’s posh products, but the first thing he did when arriving at their shared room was trying to smell him) (picking up fights with Baz because he wanted his attention) (feeling like Baz has him under a spell while he tried to figure out something related to Baz, and it’s not the vampirism…)
The reason Simon being in love is not a big realization is because just like Baz, by the time he tells us, he has been in love with him for years. Just like with Baz, it didn’t start with them dating. (Simon wondering in fifth year if Baz had him “under his thrall” and wanting to be there for all of Baz’s activities – he was likely experiencing the very same thing that Baz was: love and attraction. The difference being that Simon did not have “the tools” to figure it out then).
artsyunderstudy
